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Everyone you see if half asleep, and you're on your own, you're in the street.

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Sep. 21st, 2010 | 01:36 pm
location: Soup2Nuts
mood: confusedconfused
music: Good Morning, Good Morning - The Beatles

 You know times are desperate when you return to a journal after two years.  I've not really had anyone to talk to this whole time to justify not having to write things down.  Not since early high school, really.  Friends have been scarce.  Many of them are dandy until you need them.  Then they try to get as far away from you as physically possible.  So then, you try your best to lock your humanity into a box so that you'd at the VERY least have company.  But as everyone knows... you can't lock that shit up for long.  And maybe that's why I find myself where I stand.  A stone and a half heavier, working for a living in the same old town, and eating alone at lunchtime because my friends have stopped inviting me to eat with them.  On my birthday.

On top of that, my family didn't send me any birthday wishes.  I'm slowly finding myself among the other exiled family members... i.e., the only two members on my mom's side that aren't dead, and my violently drunk father.  I don't know what I did to deserve to be disowned.  I know they're bitter about my going to college, saying its a waste of money and its my own fault that I'm poor... because I chose to continue my education instead of just picking up a job that doesn't require a diploma and a 150,000 dollar loan.

Am I just hard to be around?  Have I done things to make people avoid me?  I love everyone I've ever known.  I'll never lose affection for them.  Despite them dumping me ever-so passive aggressively.

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from: reesespbcgurl
date: Sep. 21st, 2010 07:24 pm (UTC)

:( that's really shitty. i wish i could think of something better to say, cept that i love you and you are an amazing person who i am glad i met. i will (hopefully) have a present for you next time i see you and i'm sorry our scheduals haven't meshed yet but i really miss you and want to see you soon. and if you ever need to talk about anything, i'm here to listen.

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